Thursday, June 11, 2009

" The Indian motorist is a curiously deceptive creature, in the morning he drives cautiously slightly eager to join in the foray, in the afternoon he is lethargic to the point of being comatose but come evening and he drives like a bull in the heat. Carrying a rather peculiar expression which reminds you of someone trying to hold through a vicious bout of loose motions, he rampages about the road threatening to run over any small fry. Increasing frustration results in frequent utterances of dialogues such as ‘Abe , tere baap ka road hai kya?’ or ‘Ghonchu! Dekh ke chal!’, but it is when he is struck in the most severe of traffic congestions that he unleashes a magically devious but grossly underrated technology – the horn.
The horn (hornus irritatus) , horun or bhopu is by far the most significant Indian contribution to the world of motoring. The Indian driver relies on his horun to remove any obstacles from his path - laari waalas, ‘oh so cute’ school children, other motorists, BEST buses, open potholes, railway crossings, empty parking lots and as once had been famously claimed, even the Republic Day Parade.
Well, if you have obtained your driving license sitting at home,let me say that the test is not so difficult – the first round entails a written test (thank god!) but the second round consists of a field test where you point out your vehicle’s bhopu to the instructor and play it to the tune of at least 5 different Bollywood songs from ‘Pyar kiya to darna kya’ to ‘Dhoom!’ – pick a slightly difficult composition and you might get a Commercial Vehicles license as well!..."
"...The average Indian has a penchant for all things bidesi – imported maal, export quality goods etc etc; apparently anything that is made in India for Indians isn’t even fit for pigs. It seems that the Indian motorist carries off this fondness to the streets (literally!) by driving on the right side of the road – full firangi ishtyle. As that lone motorist zooms against heavy oncoming traffic – hand on horn, one can only guess that by following this foreign credo and with Bhopu Mata’s blessings he hopes to turn the plump nagging missus behind him into a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader... "

Boodha continues onwards for another hundred pages with rampant enthusiasm, justifying his claims with differential equations on traffic patterns, regression analysis of real time data and so on but that study cannot be taken up lightly especially on an empty stomach. Thus, Boodha takes his leave in the lure of a fuller belly and a couple of sweet burps later on.


1 comment:

  1. This is entertaining. I like the sense of humor here.